In the blink of an eye, 2021 is coming to an end. I vaguely remember that this time last year, I said I would write an annual summary and design my blog properly. However, I ended up procrastinating for a whole year and made no progress at all. (I am indeed a lazy dog.) So, I decided to make an effort in the tail of 2021 and finally achieve the goal that has been set for a year. By the way, last year's year-end summary has now become the one for 2021, haha.
Struggle & Sadness#
If 2020 was a period of transition between being a student and a working person, then 2021 has been a complete year of being a working person. When I just started working last year, I was always worried about whether I could pass the probation period. But this year, I have been overwhelmed by the pressure of work. The pressure here is not only physical but also mental. Countless demands and a highly pushy atmosphere often make me feel low and extremely uncomfortable. At this moment, I remembered when I received the offer from ByteDance before graduation, the joy I felt. I thought about the future life where I could do what I love and have a decent life. I always believed that a beautiful life was right in front of me. However, a few months into the job, that joy turned into disillusionment. Whether it was the deviation between the work I was doing and my ideal job, or the fact that most of my time was occupied by work, it made me feel so sad that I couldn't even cry. At one point, my condition became so severe that I had to go to the hospital. With the help of medication, my mood gradually improved.
Happiness & Lying Flat#
If we only look at the first half of the year, this chapter would definitely not appear in this article. During that time, I had to go to the hospital every weekend, take medication on time, and relieve the pressure on my emotions. However, my life changed in the second half of the year. At some point, my mentality suddenly started to change. I began to pay attention to my own feelings and emotions, and I wasn't easily affected by external factors as before. I went to many shops, ate a lot of delicious food, and enjoyed the beauty of life to the fullest. Then, on workdays, I returned to the monotonous and boring life, continuing to feel the pressure and discomfort. In a way, this is a very strange combination. It really makes me feel that life is full of ups and downs, and as long as I experience it well and record the scenery on this journey, it's enough.
After the change in mentality, I was able to start savoring the beautiful moments in life. Even when I was overwhelmed by difficulties, I would lie on the ground and wait quietly to be buried by more pressure. Every time I felt sad or uncomfortable, I would find something enjoyable to distract myself, and then continue this cycle of life.
We don't necessarily have to be our own heroes; lying flat is also a form of justice.
Progress This Year#
- Soft skills at work (including but not limited to communication, collaboration, shifting blame, and taking ownership of projects)
- Debugging skills (solved countless bugs)
- Better mindset when facing various pressures (able to calm down quickly even in high-pressure environments)
Small Regrets This Year#
- Didn't learn Rust and Haskell (I remember someone saying they would learn them since last year)
- Still lacking in execution ability
Expectations for 2021#
- Hope that family and friends around me can live happily
- Hope that I can follow my heart and live the life I want
- Eat more delicious food
- Improve execution ability, fully invest in everything I do, work hard, play hard, and slack off hard
- Focus on personal growth and not be influenced by external circumstances
Conclusion#
After experiencing a year of mixed pain and joy, my mentality has gradually become more Zen. I have come to realize that my focus should not be on the external pressure and evaluation of me, but on my own inner self, experiencing my own growth, doing what I want to do, and coexisting with painful emotions, trying my best to enjoy the beauty of life. With this attitude towards life, I suddenly feel much more relaxed. Perhaps, a few years later, when I see this article and look at it from a god's-eye view, I will probably just think, "Ah, so there was such a period of time, how interesting," and then reminisce and savor the emotions of that time, like the aroma of fine wine. For me, this is probably the greatest significance of writing an annual summary.
Finally, I want to thank my parents and friends for accompanying me through the most difficult period of my life.